Think before you speak...
 
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
 the last one is great!

 Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
 immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?

 Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
 

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job? " I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a
word...he knew better.


 SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
 After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who worked at the store.
 He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."


 THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically.  The boy grinned, and I
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
forget.

 
 FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust
 and annoyance from other patrons.  I told her that if she did not start
behaving "right now" she would be punished.
 To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"  The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange.  Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with
my daughter in tow.
 The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of
laughter.


 FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
 My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training, and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in
between errands.  It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying
my taco, I smelled something funny,
 so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I
realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he
needed to go, and he said "No."
        I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you
didn't have an accident?"  "No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting
worse.
 Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident?" This time
he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
 bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
 While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
 he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.  An old couple made me feel
better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
 
 

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
 and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
 in the future, likely think before she speaks.
 What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any...
 
   We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
 "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
 Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were
laughing so hard!