APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected

unless accompanied by a complete financial statement,

job history, lineage, and current medical report from

your physician.

1. What is your name, age, social security number, IQ

and boy scout rank?

2. Do you have one male and one female parent? ____

If "No", explain:

3. Do you own or have access to a van? ____

4. A truck with oversize tires? ____

5. waterbed? ____

6. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button

ring? ____

7. Do you have a tattoo? ____

*If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue

application and leave immediately.*

8. In fifty words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

9. In fifty words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY

DAUGHTER mean to you?

10. In fifty words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean

to you?

11. In fifty words or less, what does REAL PAIN mean

to you?

12. Church/Temple you attend:

_________________________

13. How often do you attend: _________________________

14. When would be the best time to interview your

mother, father and priest/rabbi? ____________________

15. Please fill in the blanks:

If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want

wounded would be my ____________________________

If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken

would be my ____________________________

A woman's place is in the ____________________________

The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask

is ____________________________

When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice

about her first is ____________________________

*Note: If answer to last question begins with "T" or

"A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your

head low and running in a serpentine fashion is

advised*

What do you want to be IF you grow up?

I swear that all the above information is correct to

the best of my knowledge under penalty of death,

bodily

harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse.

Signature of applicant

_________________________________

Signature of father

_____________________________________

Signature of mother

____________________________________

Signature of priest/rabbi

___________________________________

Signature of State Representative

_________________________

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be

genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for

processing. You will be contacted in writing if

approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't

call me, I'll call you.

______________________________